Strange Week

So far this has just been one of those weeks. All the little things see to pile up, things get thrown at you that you don't expect and everything else just seems to be a blur of craziness.

I am working with my boss regarding my work up until the baby and the maternity leave after. He is of course very supportive but it is still a topic that is difficult for me. I am such a people pleaser that when it comes time to let someone down it makes me stressed and flustered. I know that it will mean a lot of work and searching to find someone that meshes well with him and can live up to his expectations. Not that I think Im super great, but there is a very specific personality type that can guide him just the way that's needed as well as anticipate needs and do most things before him, as he tends to put too much on his plate at once.

We talked for quite some time today about some of the things I want to accomplish before I cut my hours back in November and what that will entail. By the end of the conversation of course I felt much better, but I am still wary of the few months ahead. I do not want my leave to cause more work or problems so most of the time I shoulder that burden and take it on myself to do everything for everyone.

Typically I would not consider stepping back my hours but I feel it is the best for me and the baby and our family in general. I am working very hard to not stress myself out too much and to not internalize things that go on as my fault or issue, when they may just be the result of miscommunication or someone else's way of handling things in their life. This is a very important time for me and I don't want to make things difficult or miss anything that is important to me.

Jamie and I took a few minutes out today when we got home to sit in our Favorite chair together, and just be. We talked a bit and snuggled a bit, but just really slowed down and spent some time together. We try to slow down at the end of the day, but its not always possible. The phone rings or dinner's on the table. But every few days things just come together and we get to take a moment out from everything else and focus on each other. To focus on how much we love each other, how happy we are and how excited we are about the baby. Sometimes even for just a second forgetting the rest of the world. Its our magic time and nothing in the world is better. Especially when he puts his ear to my tummy to see if he can hear the baby's heartbeat. These are the moments I wouldnt trade for anything else, or give up for anything at all.